So there I am at Kroger's, minding my own business, checking out the soft and squishy holiday toys, and what to my wondering eyes should appear but a shoot-'em'up snowman. This one sings. As in "Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way," crack, pop, crack. The final crack is accompanied by the tip of the rifle in the snowman's arms turning red hot, or at least a hot red.
I took a photo with my cell phone and when I looked at it again this morning I saw how cute this little fella is. He's costumed like a hunter out of the L. L. Bean catalog, with a green plaid coat, a red plaid hat with flaps that would cover his ears if he had ears, as well as the standard coal eyes, carrot nose, and wide goofy grin.
So this is what I think: I think the Christmas decorations are planning to overthrow the shoppers this year. They're armed and moving into our houses, one at a time. If I were you, I wouldn't hang these guys at the back of the tree. I'd keep 'em front and center where I could keep an eye on them. I'm just saying. Sniper Santa was bad enough, but now that everybody's in on the act you can't be too careful.