LOUISVILLE, KY: In a freakish turn of events, the grandmother of the bride reported here recently as having died by her own hand after being left at the altar has now zombified her own granddaughter, pictured above in the final moments of semi-life.
The young woman, reputedly the maid of honor for the doomed bride, hosted a lovely luncheon earlier in the day. Decorations included sandwiches on bread dyed peach and green to match the wedding colors. Red wine was also served. Bystanders wonder if a premonition about later events led this poor victim to choose blood red wine.
Medical experts conclude from seeing this photo that in becoming one of the living dead the body begins to putrify before its once-cognizant inhabitant recognizes what has taken place. Thus a person may continue smiling and carrying a wedding bouquet for 20 to 45 seconds before succumbing to the virus entirely.
A community meeting is scheduled for 8:00 p. m. tonight at the Iroquois Park amphitheater to discuss responses to the epidemic. Gates open one hour earlier. Admission is $22. (You didn't expect to get a free pass because it's a public health threat, did you?).
Three more public meeetings are scheduled to deal with the zombie threat. They will take place on October 29, 30, and 31. It is imperative that you attend one, if not all, of these events, for your own good and for the good of the community.