November 23, 2010

The Hapless Homemaker

I spent five hours cleaning the bedroom on Sunday -- a terrible accident, actually.  I dusted a week or two ago and that led to my remembering on Sunday morning that I used to dust all the time -- like every single week.  And vacuum, which was easy because the house I lived in then had all hardwood floors.  So this whole homemaking thing seems to be taking over my life.  I'm even planning to fix Thanksgiving dinner for the first time in 10 years, which is an amazing statement given that I cooked my first T. Day dinner when I was 19.  I didn't miss it until day before yesterday.

I'm going to do a turkey breast rather than the whole bird, on the advice of my brilliant friend Lucy; and mashed potatoes; and possibly that stupid green bean casserole that hardens your arteries but is oh so traditional; and a can of jellied cranberry sauce, to be opened, placed on a dish, placed on the table, and later dumped, whole. down the garbage disposal.  Deviled eggs, too, maybe.  And I could look for a bottle of Riesling wine, which is my favorite because the aroma takes me back to being a kid in the vineyards  cutting grapes.  And for pie, we have a new variety.  Rather than Derby pie from Kerns' Kitchen, we have a golden variation on same from Kerns -- a gift from the nice folks over at Today's Woman/Today's Transitions/Today's Families, which threw a gala lunch for us at The Melting Pot, which is a fondue place on South Hurstborne.  I had not been to one before and, frankly, between the level of co-ordination required to get food to your mouth without giving yourself botulism and the sheer pandemonium of a crowd of people talking loudly, laughing, and waving little forks in the air gave my ADHD a run for the money.  I came home and took a nap.  Around eight I got up and wandered around and ate a major amount of black cherry ice cream and then returned to bed and slept until 10:30 a. m.

So -- dusting, sleeping, and buying a bird have become my tasks for the day, along with mailing Mother three scarves I think she'll enjoy wearing. 

Meanwhile, I have an actual homemaking tip for the world.  I don't know what the coat situation is where you live, but my compadre works outside and in, mostly out, and as a result has five or six heavy work coats plus four sets of Carhart whatchamacallits (lined bibbed overalls?), and we have a very small front hall closet.  As a result, his coats have mostly spent the last two winters sleeping on the couch, except when  I hung them up, muttering under my breath every time that I didn't get two master's degrees to spend six months a year hanging up coats.  Well, I've been in a problem-solving world for the last three weeks -- my mother, my therapist, and I have each come up with brilliant solutions to problems. I'll get back to the others, but regarding coats (or, I suppose, mufflers and scarves and caps), the solution lies at Kroger's grocery store for a mere $1.99 each.  They're plain wreath hangers in fake metal with a crook at each end.  One crook goes over the door; the other crook awaits a coat, or scarf, or muffler.  I bought six and am going back today to get at least six more.  They are the best inventions ever; and the standard ones are too expensive to buy in quantity.  These, though, are just durable enough to do the job and just easy enough to store come spring.

Heloise better watch out.  I'm hot on her heels.

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