When I tried my link to the bottle tree man to be sure it worked, I discovered that he already sells dirt for dirtying bottles to put on your bottle tree. And here I thought I was joking. Bottle Tree Man's dirt, which is special and from Mississippi, costs $10 and comes in a special 7 ounce bottle.
My dirt is special also. It comes from Kentucky, costs $11 because Kentucky dirt is better than Mississippi dirt, and comes in a special zipper lock bag from the box in my kitchen cupboard.
Because I want to offer a wide selection to my customers, I also offer special dirt from Ohio. If you want a little island in your life that isn't a Christmas tree ornament (see today's earlier post), this is the product for you. It's $25 (it's more expensive because the island it comes from is small) and is packaged in a special zipper lock bag from my kitchen.
Finally, if you're too lazy to shake the dirt into your bottle, for the low low price of $50 I will dig a bottle out of my trash, carry it outside, throw it down in the dirt, kick it around, and mail it to you in a special zipper lock bag from the box in my kitchen cupboard.
Some exclusions may apply. Shipping costs not included in purchase price. Not available for sale in or to Kentucky. Proceeds will be donated to the Lake Erie Islands Black Swamp Conservancy.
P. S. Okay, I just discovered this amazing news. You can buy bottletreeman underpants at cafepress. Capitalism rocks!