The medico-industrial complex

I'm having a frog-all kind of day today, the result of having major flashbacks to Fred's illness for the last two days. Not so much to his illness as to the through-the-looking-glass feeling during treatment for a serious condition.

You know how infuriating it is to learn your husband had an affair and everybody knew but you? Well, I've got that "everybody knows but me" thing going on. With every single medical person with whom I've had the slightest dealings, including the people who give me directions in a strange hospital, I've had a lovely, cordial, informed relationship.  The place of breakdown is when it comes to getting information about my own personal self.

My family doctor thought the mammogram folks let me know about the suspicious duct, possibly because the mammogram place tells patients they're going to send them a letter, and then never does.  As a result, when I all oblivious called to get the results of my thyroid test, my doctor's first words were "Oh, you're calling about the suspicious mammogram."

She referred me to a surgical oncologist, who assumed my family doctor and/or the mammogram/ultrasound folks had told me what was going on in terms of diagnosis, potential treatment, etc.

He did an aspirate biopsy that day (during which I murmured that I was in love with him, because it didn't hurt at all having a monstrous needle shoved into my tender anatomy). He phoned the next day to say the cells were malignant and say his office would schedule me for an MRI, after which we'd meet again.

The MRI was Wednesday.  Thursday the good doctor left a voicemail saying the only malignancy was in the identified spot, and we needed to make discuss my decision.

The next morning, his scheduler called and said, "What do you want to do now?"

Flustered, I replied, "Well, ahhh, surgery, I suppose."

She said, "Yes, but I need to know if you want a lumpectomy or a mastectomy?" and after a mumbling sort of silence, I said, "I thought the doctor and I were supposed to discuss that," which surprised her no end, because we'd already talked about all the options.  Or so she thought.  And so he thought.

As it turns out, the nice scheduler called back later to say the surgeon had confused me with someone else (oops.), and our scheduled meet-and-greet is still on for Tuesday morning, during which we'll discuss options.

The good news is that I'm sure I'm going to be fine. People with horrible cancers? I've seen them go from a routine doctor's visit to a hospital bed and chemo in two hours. On the other hand, at this point, all I know is that I have a ductal carcinoma.  Is it localized?  Don't know. Is it likely my size 36 F left breast is going to need to be hacked off?  Don't know. (I doubt it; what I've read says the statistics are roughly equivalent no matter what I choose, but for all I know there's a big surprise waiting for me. On Tuesday. Four days away.)  My frustration comes from knowing I can participate more fully in the conversation on Tuesday if I know beforehand what the pathology reports say.

In a fit of good sense, I called the office yesterday afternoon and left a voicemail message requesting the pathology reports be mailed to me or that I could pick them up. I even went so far as to explain that I'm ADHD and my compadre is ADD and has PTSD; and with the chemical compositions of our brains, time to assimilate information prior to the meeting would be of great benefit.  Perhaps those documents are being mailed. I don't know.  Nobody called me back.

And thus it begins: information about my body is the property of numerous people, none of whom are me.  I may have to get rid of my dog or my compadre to regain my sense of personal autonomy, or maybe Tuesday will eventually arrive.  Meanwhile, frog all.

Louisville schools now infested?

LOUISVILLE, KY. Although school officials deny it, a glance at these photos confirms that zombies are infesting the schools in Louisville.

The community has begun to ask itself how long this can continue.

All concerned citizens are urged to attend the community meeting tomorrow evening (October 29, 2008) at the Iroquois Park amphitheater. The curtain rises at 8:00. Tickets are a mere $22. (Surely your community's safety is worth that much.)

Additional meetings will take place on October 30 and 31 at the same time and place. You're encouraged to attend all three. Dress warmly. Not only will doing so protect you from frostbite but it will also offer a bit of protection in case zombies storm the amphitheater.

Ackkkkkkkk

LOUISVILLE, KY:

They're EVERYWHERE -- and getting closer all the time.

Is nobody safe from this menace? The virus is no respecter of age, near-sightedness, or hirsutedness. Approach at your own risk.

Additional zombie threat?

LOUISVILLE, KY: A local photographer risked life and limb to capture this photo of what appears to be zombies engaged in hunger of a different sort.

Scientists vigorously dispute the idea that zombies can reproduce, insisting that their only urge is to find fresh protein, preferably carnivorous human beings. They will also eat vegetarians but smack their lips and growl less while doing so.

Are zombies mutating toward possible procreation? God help us if it is true.

Source of zombie infection?

LOUISVILLE, KY: Scientists say the zombie invasion in Louisville may be caused by a virus brought to earth by the spacecraft pictured above.

Thought to be a Mars probe, the machine crashed outside the amphitheater at Iroquois Park in Louisville on Friday afternoon. Rocks, apparently once carried in the capsule, spilled onto the lawn on impact. The rocks continue to glow with a weird pulsing phosphorescence.

The zombies are thought to be hiding in the woods around the amphitheater. More photos will be published as they become available.

President confirms zombie threat

As you'll see in this video, the zombie threat is not limited to the Kentuckiana area. Make sure any of your friends who are scoffing about invasion see this video.

YouTube is your friend

We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this video, especially suited for Halloween aficionados.

Mayhem continues

LOUISVILLE, KY: The first sight accosting this reporter on arrival last night for the community meeting about the zombie invasion was a zombie attacking a bystander -- in broad daylight in the parking lot. Officials agree NOBODY IS SAFE.

Further photos will be posted as they become available. If you have photos of your own documenting the invasion, please post a link in the comments section. At times like this, information is our best protection.

Zombie wedding tragedy continues

LOUISVILLE, KY: In a freakish turn of events, the grandmother of the bride reported here recently as having died by her own hand after being left at the altar has now zombified her own granddaughter, pictured above in the final moments of semi-life.

The young woman, reputedly the maid of honor for the doomed bride, hosted a lovely luncheon earlier in the day. Decorations included sandwiches on bread dyed peach and green to match the wedding colors. Red wine was also served. Bystanders wonder if a premonition about later events led this poor victim to choose blood red wine.

Medical experts conclude from seeing this photo that in becoming one of the living dead the body begins to putrify before its once-cognizant inhabitant recognizes what has taken place. Thus a person may continue smiling and carrying a wedding bouquet for 20 to 45 seconds before succumbing to the virus entirely.

A community meeting is scheduled for 8:00 p. m. tonight at the Iroquois Park amphitheater to discuss responses to the epidemic. Gates open one hour earlier. Admission is $22. (You didn't expect to get a free pass because it's a public health threat, did you?).

Three more public meeetings are scheduled to deal with the zombie threat. They will take place on October 29, 30, and 31. It is imperative that you attend one, if not all, of these events, for your own good and for the good of the community.

Zombie epidemic worsens

LOUISVILLE, KY: An amateur photographer took this shot a few minutes ago at the ticket office at Iroquois Park amphitheater.

Some reports say the zombies are getting more aggressive with each sighting.

Calmer heads urge residents to hie themselves to Iroquois Park. Surely an appeal to their better natures will cause zombies to turn away from murderous impulses and rejoin civilized human society. The box office opens at 6:00 p. m.; gates open at 7:00; so time is of the essence. Reports are coming in of a zombie plan to leave the amphitheater around 9:30 tonight and spread out across not only Louisville and neighboring counties but to cross on the Ohio River bridges into Indiana.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!

The zombie invasion continues to intensify.

A quick-thinking hiker in Iroquois Park took this photo late this afternoon.

It is now more important than ever that Kentuckianaians attend the community meeting at Iroquois Park amphitheater scheduled for 8:00 on October 26, 29, 30, and 31. Tickets are $22, which is damned cheap when you consider the damage already inflicted by the zombies. What kind of skinflint are you?

Wedding tragedy ends in zombies

LOUISVILLE, KY: In a cruel twist of fate, a bride who killed herself in despair after being left at the altar will spend eternity as a bride.

The virus that, it appears, is turning the newly dead into zombies all across the country has reached Louisville. As she died, this bride was afflicted. In turn, she immediately turned and bit her grandmother, pictured here in an alluring polyester crepe evening gown with sheer sleeves, over-sized bow, and knife-pleated floor-length skirt.

The pair was last seen heading back into the church. Be warned: they are teethed and dangerous.

ZOMBIE UPDATE - URGENT

LOUISVILLE: A horde of zombies is on the prowl in Louisville.

The epicenter of the eruption appears to be the amphitheatre at Iroquois Park.

Unverified reports suggest that they are eating University of Kentucky fans and alums first.

For late-breaking developments, call StageOne: 502.498.2436

Afternoon of the Living Dead

Koko came upon a zombie yesterday afternoon.

It might have been better if he hadn't disturbed it.

Watch out! It's moving!

Why is it looking at us like that?

It's coming this way! Run!

More zombies are available for your viewing pleasure in the production of Night of the Living Dead at the Iroquois Park Amphitheater in Louisville, Kentucky. Shows are October 26 - 28 and 29-31. Tickets are $22 for adults. Call Stage One DramaWorks at 502.498.2436 for more information or to purchase tickets.

The Zombie Times

It's 3:39 p. m. My turquoise pleated industrial-strength polyester floor-length gown needs to be at the Iroquois Park ampitheatre at 4:30 so the costume director for Night of the Living Dead can shake, bake, scramble, tear, and bloody it. The dress can't drive, so I must accompany it, and there remain until 10:00 p. m. for play rehearsal. (Only I am attending; the dress isn't due back on stage until Wednesday evening.)

In other words, I've only got a few minutes before heading down the Watterson Expressway, but rehearsals are engaging enough that I must write now or yesterday's experience will be lost in the excitement of today's.

Our first activity was a nice up-hill walk in the woods, during which we were video-ed. I'd decided that in the 1960s grandmothers of the bride didn't wear their hair in the long curly "Ive been too long at the beach" style that I'm prone to. Consequently, I bought a pack of hair nets at the drugstore yesterday. The first test of staying in character happened about five steps up the path, when an errant branch snatched the hair net (which I'd tidily draped over one eye to accent the oddity of it all) off me.

Quick decision. Which to sacrifice, the image of a 1960s grandma zombie or the aspect of a zombie?

Answer: After the filming, I plucked the hair net off the twig and put it back on my head. Cuz after all I'm a ZOMBIE, and there might have been food up that hill.

Getting back up to speed

I spent the weekend in Jabez, Kentucky, at the Kentucky 4-H Leadership Center. Talk about a small town: my GPS, purchased specifically for this sort of thing, had never heard of Jabez. It was the ideal location, though, for the Becoming an Outdoors Women event sponsored by the Kentucky Department of Fish and Wildlife. As always, the weekend was carefully programmed and well-organized. My favorite class was Boating Safety and Security. After half an hour or so of on-ground instruction, we (my two classmates, the instructor, and I) headed for Cumberland Lake, where each of us got to spend time driving the boat. It was a sunshiny morning and beautiful out on the clear water. My other two classes were tree identification and reading maps and compass -- but you're never as outside as you are when you're on the water.

This event had the highest attendance of any in years: 120 people, half of whom were tere for the first time. Everybody is concerned about whether there will ever be another gathering. The volunteer co-ordinator, Beth Spivey-Minch, retired after this weekend, and no word has come down from Fish and Wildlife as to what will happen next. If somebody were put in place immediately, it would probably be six months before an event could be scheduled. The earliest we might meet again, then, is spring -- and that's if somebody emerges soon. It's disheartening to think the commissioners are unconcerned about continuing a program that makes the outside world accessible to Kentucky's women.

In any case, I"m back home and trying to get up to speed. Tonight is the third Zombie University class. I've finished reading the textbook for the class, The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks. Tonight, we start discussing possible costumes for the play, which takes place in the late 1960s. Darn. I knew I should have kept my fringed leather jacket.

Night of the Living Dead

Zombie University began last night, and each member of the horde of zombies got posters and cards to distribute. Creepy, isn't it?

Speaking of creepy, one of the first things we worked on was vocalization. Someone asked if any of the zombies had speaking parts. As it happens, zombies don't so much use words as -- oh, what would you call them? Moans, wails, drones, grunts, and all of the other sounds the living undead make in times of duress. All except words. We practiced sounding miserable in small ways, and then we were asked to do our miserable sounds together as a group. It sounded to me like a bunch of drunken Clemson fans. Then we were asked to do the same thing but at about half that level. And when we did, the sound was downright shivery. And that was just the first element of the first class.

From then on, we worked on movement. Walk with your nose leading the way. Walk with your knees leading the way. Walk with your left shoulder, your right ear, the tips of your toes, your fingers leading the way. Very interesting to see how differently people walked and the way in which changing one aspect of carriage changes everything. The angles of the body change. The plane/height changes. Attitude changes. Oh, it was lovely, indeed to observe and to partake.

This week's assignment is to work on character as in who, how old, past history, family story, etc. We've got two weeks to develop character and then two weeks to learn about costume and makeup. The play is set in 1968, and we were given sheets with information about that year for those of us -- many, many -- weren't alive or potty-trained -- or their parents weren't alive. 1968 was a very good year for me, and it's fun reinventing it differently.

The other teaching of note is that safety is the first concern. And that early is on time and on time is late.

Zombie time

The reason we have so many classes and rehearsals at Zombie University? Flickr is loaded with photos of zombies, many of them taken in Louisville, including a bunch posted by mrquick. (I had one of them here, but, as always happens with blogger, when I edited the post, the link vanished. I went through about 150 of the more than 1000 photos before I gave up and decided to remove the photo instead.) Louisville is a zombie haven. We had them marching through the streets at the end of August. Therefore, it's going to take a lot of work to stand apart from the every day experience of happening upon the undead. the quasi-dead. the dead-esque. the friendly sorority. the -- oh, yeah -- living dead.

The first night of the living dead night

Zombie University starts today, at last. Six weeks of classes followed by three technical rehearsals. Performances are October 24 - 26 and 29 - 31. We of the zombie crowd persuasion won't know for a while yet who will be in which performances. Like it matters. I don't care as long as I get to play.

You can get all of your questions about the production answered at the Stage One website. Meanwhile, I'll tell you that Stage One is Louisville's professional theatre for young audiences. Ordinarily their productions are children-oriented. This time, they're focused on attracting teenagers and young adults.

If you haven't seen enough zombies lately to satisfy your cravings, check out mrquick's set of photos on flickr from Louisville's recent zombie gathering in Louisville.

My Un-birthday

I've had a wonderful un-birthday snacking on peaches-and-cream cake and pistachio ice cream while watching the tale end of a zombie movie, the name of which I didn't catch, but it played like a game, with points bestowed and the words "Signal interference" over the screen when the zombies vanquished their quarry. It's all fodder for the acting mill and my role in the mob scene of "The Night of the Living Dead" coming up soon.

All of this un-birthday talk is because yesterday was my birthday. My compadre presented me with a GPS -- and a red one at that. Oh, what a wonderful device. When my daughter was here in July, I got to see how hers worked. Turns out the same woman who lives inside hers lives inside mine. She seems equally disturbed when I don't follow her directions. Last night I keyed in one location to which I was going and then changed my mind and went somewhere else ... in the opposite direction. I'll say this: GPS is committed to getting you where you said you wanted to go, no matter how many times you ignore it when it tells you to turn left.

I took the first few cards in my mail art project to the post office this afternoon. This thing is really happening! If you haven't had a chance yet, stroll on over to my It's Only a Book blog. I'm posting a scan each day of one piece, and instructions are on the blog for how to get one of your very own. (Yes, they're free.)