July 19, 2012

The Stinky Vacuum Cleaner Conundrum

O. M. G.  I'm getting ready to talk about house-cleaning AGAIN.  I swear to God I know how to read, I have a brain, and I also have a barrel of funny stories from the monkey house I call my family of origin. Nevertheless, I'm in the last few days of dress rehearsal for my year of housewifery, and I can't stop myself.

Somebody who lives here who is not me and also not the dogs bought a Dyson vacuum cleaner.  The rumors you've heard about the suction power of those babies is true.  You can take your Dyson along when you visit friends and if they'll let you use your Dyson on their newly vacuumed carpets you can watch their jaws drop and eyes glaze when they see how much dirt their vacuum cleaner has left behind. Years-old fine dirt that's filtered down to the floorboards is no match for a Dyson.

The only problem we've had with this machine, other than the second mortgage it took to buy the thing, is that the filter needs to be washed every six months. The Dyson folks make it VERY clear that the filter MUST be completely dry before it's re-installed in the vacuum cleaner.  And I know why.  It's because if the filter is not absolutely, positively bone dry, you're going to have a mild mold problem that will cause every room  to smell like a crypt when you vacuum.
The Dyson Lifetime Filter
The problem is that there's no way to be tell when the filter is completely dry; and there's only so long you can wait to re-install the filter before it stands a chance of getting covered over by papers and being lost forever.

A year or so ago I misjudged the drying time, and since then my vacuuming has been accompanied by a slight stench which wafts away in 15 minutes or so but is, in the interim, disgusting.  I don't use smelly products that you sprinkle on your carpet because they hurt my nose and make the place smell like a whorehouse (okay, that's a guess; I've never actually toured a whorehouse), but I've sprinkled and vacuumed up numerous boxes of baking soda to no avail. I also tried washing the filter again and letting it dry in the sun for three days (taking it in the house every night), but that didn't help either.

This week I asked my inner 50s-Stepfordette what to do, and the answer was clear. I went to dyson.com, clicked "Parts," located my model of machine, found the parts list, and ordered a brand new lifetime filter.

(For the record, in case you're wondering, not only is Dyson not paying me to say nice things, they're making me pay $18.99  plus $7.95 shipping.)

It's going to be a magical day when my new filter arrives in 12 to 16 days.  If you came to visit, I'd let you watch me vacuum and then together we could enjoy the clear fresh smell of plain old air.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I'd cum in all your pussies